77 lines
3.5 KiB
Markdown
77 lines
3.5 KiB
Markdown
---
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layout: post
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title: "Don't chase: Become the good one"
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permalink: dont-chase-become-the-good-one/
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categories: life
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excerpt_separator: <!--more-->
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author: Mahdi
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---
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When it comes to relationships, most (unsuccessful) people are _chasing_ the
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good ones. They spend time trying to find their dream partner, the perfect
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match, but hey, do you qualify as the dream partner of your dream partner? You
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fantasize about your dream partner, but have you ever thought what kind of
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partner does he/she dream of?
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 {% include caption.html text='I want
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an angel with...' %}
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<!--more-->
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It seems to be pretty acceptable in the society to start _looking_ for a _good_
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partner once you reach a certain age (depending on the country), and that's when
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people start defining for themselves what a _good_ partner means. What do they
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want out of a relationship? Well, most beginners just want sex, that's one
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thing, but I'm talking about real, intimate relationships. The definition
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usually goes like this:
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I want him/her to have
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* Money
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* Body
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* Sense of Humor
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* Empathy
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* ...
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Alright fine, that's a good and necessary step while thinking about a
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relationship.
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Now there are two groups of people after this step, let's call them Group A and
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Group B.
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Group A's next step is to start looking for partners, which usually follows by
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installing Tinder, OkCupid and a bunch of other dating apps, spending more time
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in the bar, etc. Well it makes sense to start looking for a partner at first
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glance, but people in Group A are missing an important point here, they defined
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what a _good partner_ means in their dictionary of life, but they haven't really
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looked into their _good partner_'s dictionary to see what he/she wants out of a
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relationship, because if you don't qualify her requirements, it's not a deal.
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Now there is a sub-group of Group A, too, and it includes the people who faced
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with the question "am I what she dreams of?", they try to cheat and modify their
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definition of a good partner, adding a line that goes "Loves me however I am",
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sorry buddy, but what if I tell you she could add the same line to her
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dictionary? That's not a deal, you want a good partner as you defined it, you
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have to be a good partner as she defines it.
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On the other hand, Group B doesn't follow the same path as Group A. Group B
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starts by trying to predict what his dream partner would want out of a
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relationship. Empathy? Loyalty? Knowledge? Body? They take a pen and a paper out
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and write a list of what they think their dream partner would want them to have,
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what would she want them to be, and they start working on those, and I bet it's
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not going to be easy, knowledge doesn't pop up after a good night's sleep, you
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have to spend years reading books and learning to get it. A good body doesn't
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_poof_ out if you wish it to, you have to spend years being committed to
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exercise and eating well, and that's not easy. After all, what you define as a
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good partner ain't easy either, is it?
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Now do you want your dream partner to fall for you the way you fall for her,
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without having to chase her with a net? Write down a list of qualifications you
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expect your dream partner to look for, and start working your ass off reaching
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them, and I tell you, you will have a much easier _next step_ after this. You
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won't have to chase girls hoping the 34th one doesn't reject you because "she
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likes you however you are".
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If I know one thing about life, it's the fact that you have to work your ass off
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in order to reach your dreams, dreams aren't easy, and a deep, intimate
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relationship really is a dream.
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