post: Immortals go extinct

_drafts/2016-11-09-ambitions-are-hard.md

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+---
+layout: post
+title: "Ambitions are hard"
+date: 2016-11-09 19:43:00
+permalink: ambitions-are-hard
+categories: life
+published: false
+---
+
+> Ambition: a cherished desire; a strong drive for success
+
+Sitting at my desk, lights off, headphones around my ear, I'm trying to concentrate on my next
+achievement, though small, it fits in my roadmap. At the time of working on _A_, I'm thinking about all the
+_B_s and _C_s and _D_s that I have to attend to next, they all beg for my attention, but I have to focus on A right now,
+so I increase the volume of music and focus.
+
+Half an hour past, I'm back to answering beggings of _B_s and _C_s and _D_s. I manage to
+finish _A_ after some time, move on to _B_ and a new _A_ arises in the process, the source never exhausts.
+
+After a day distributed between achievements, laying in the bad I start thinking about everything that I'm giving up in order to reach my dreams.
+There comes the never-satisfactory-comparison between dreams, is giving up X worth Y? There is never a right answer,
+that's when depression builds up, I feel bad throughout the day, but still I do what I have to do.
+
+I know there is a desire inside of me for playing, for having fun, sometimes for doing nothing,
+but it seems my _strong drive for success_ convinces me the delayed gratification of my dream is greater.
+
+Every once in a while, I break and go around nature, I forget about everything and just give in
+to my current moments, there is no _A_ or _B_ or any other fucking letter anymore, I'm free!
+
+After returning to work, I feel much better for a while, a week or two, and then the cycle restarts.
+
+I don't know if that's called life anymore.
+
+-- 2016 11 09, 20:13:00, mahdi

_drafts/2016-11-09-managing-ambitions.md

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+---
+layout: post
+title: "Managing Ambitions"
+date: 2016-11-09 19:43:00
+permalink: managing-ambitions
+categories: life
+published: false
+---
+
+> Ambition: a cherished desire; a strong drive for success
+
+Sitting at my desk, lights off, headphones around my ear, I'm trying to concentrate on my next
+achievement, though small, it fits in my roadmap. At the time of working on _A_, I'm thinking about all the
+_B_s and _C_s and _D_s that I have to attend to next, they all beg for my attention, but I have to focus on A right now,
+so I increase the volume of music and focus.
+
+Half an hour past, I'm back to answering beggings of _B_s and _C_s and _D_s. I manage to
+finish _A_ after some time, move on to _B_ and a new _A_ arises in the process, the source never exhausts.
+
+After a day distributed between achievements, laying in the bad I start thinking about everything that I'm losing in order to gain my dreams.
+There comes the never-satisfactory-comparison between dreams, is giving up X worth Y? There is never a right answer,
+that's when depression builds up, I feel bad throughout the day, but still I do what I have to do.
+
+I know there is a desire inside of me for playing, for having fun, sometimes for doing nothing,
+but it seems my _strong drive for success_ convinces me the delayed gratification of hitting my dream
+is greater. Okay that sounds fine, but I feel dead inside now, what about that?

_posts/2016-11-15-immortals-go-extinct.md

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+---
+layout: post
+title:  "Immortals go extinct"
+permalink: immortals-go-extinct/
+categories: life
+---
+
+We are all going to die, we all know that well.<br /><br />
+Now I want to take you to a world of immortals where humans don't die,
+they live and live and live and... you know, live. From now on, pretend I'm a human
+on this world of immortals, I'm immortal bitches.
+
+---
+
+![immortals chatting](/img/immortals.jpg)
+
+In this world, there is no excitement in jumping from a cliff or doing flips over walls
+or pretending to be a bird or even loving each other, in general, there is no
+excitement in any experience, because there is nothing to miss if I don't do that right now,
+I will always have another chance to do that again, even if that's going to be a thousand years from now,
+because you know, we're all good at waiting here.
+
+There is no technology and no fast transportation system here,
+because, hell, who gives a fuck about fast transportation systems.
+
+Who gives a shit about tools to harvest more food, or something you can write with,
+you can know about our meaningless past as much as you want, there are always people to tell you about that.
+
+Who cares if 2 + 2 = 4 or 5, I'm not going to die if the non-existing plane crashes because of an error,
+none of that is needed.
+
+We have an infinite amount of time to explore the globe, but we don't,
+because there is no fun in doing that, how is that, you might ask. Someone from your world told me
+I should explain it this way:
+
+> Simple mathematics we know says, in an infinite timespan, no other timespan is significant, basically,
+any number divided by infinity yields zero. Your neighbour could tell you about how he spent a thousand years
+exploring Earth, eating bugs and trying different methods to kill himself, and you could tell him
+he literally spent 0% of his life doing all that, same as you, who just stood there.
+
+![any fucking number / infinity = 0](/img/division-by-infinity.jpg)
+
+Now I don't understand much of that, but I had enough time, and nothing else to do, to repeat this to myself
+since he told me that until now.
+
+Here, in this world, we can't suicide, if that was an option, we know well that we would go extinct
+soon after finding out the fact that we are immortals, we really don't like this numb life.
+
+---
+
+_Pooof_
+
+Alright I'm back. You see, we need death, we really do, without death our lives
+would be meaningless, we would have no purpose. Okay we would probably still [contribute to increase of entropy of the universe](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HxTnqKuNygE), but that's not what we _want_ to be here for, we want a higher purpose in life, and it's death that gifts us this
+higher purpose.
+
+When I was a kid, I was told that in order to stay alive after death, you have to submit your name on this planet, and 
+in this universe if possible. I know, that might sound ridiculous, but aren't we all fighting for the same thing, but in our own
+ways? Maybe you just want to be remembered between a specific group of people (and that's perfectly fine) or you might
+actually want to become a global role model, like Gandhi, Albert Einstein and people alike, it doesn't matter, what matters is,
+we all want to be remembered for what we've done in our way to the end.
+
+Immortals go extinct, but mortals find a mission to accomplish before the
+deadline. Be grateful for this gift of death.
+
+<!--It's not all about being famous, it's about being role model for a lot of people, there are lots of famous people and celebrities-->
+<!--that will be forgotten after a decade or two, but some people are remembered forever, either for doing very good or very bad to others,-->
+<!--I don't think Albert Einstein, Gandhi and Hitler will be forgotten in the near future (near as in thousand years).-->
+<!--They are global role models, we want to be like some of them and avoid being like others (okay, maybe not absolutely global, but you get it).-->