35 lines
1.7 KiB
Markdown
35 lines
1.7 KiB
Markdown
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layout: post
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title: "Ambitions are hard"
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date: 2016-11-09 19:43:00
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permalink: ambitions-are-hard
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categories: life
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published: false
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---
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> Ambition: a cherished desire; a strong drive for success
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Sitting at my desk, lights off, headphones around my ear, I'm trying to concentrate on my next
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achievement, though small, it fits in my roadmap. At the time of working on _A_, I'm thinking about all the
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_B_s and _C_s and _D_s that I have to attend to next, they all beg for my attention, but I have to focus on A right now,
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so I increase the volume of music and focus.
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Half an hour past, I'm back to answering beggings of _B_s and _C_s and _D_s. I manage to
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finish _A_ after some time, move on to _B_ and a new _A_ arises in the process, the source never exhausts.
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After a day distributed between achievements, laying in the bad I start thinking about everything that I'm giving up in order to reach my dreams.
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There comes the never-satisfactory-comparison between dreams, is giving up X worth Y? There is never a right answer,
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that's when depression builds up, I feel bad throughout the day, but still I do what I have to do.
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I know there is a desire inside of me for playing, for having fun, sometimes for doing nothing,
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but it seems my _strong drive for success_ convinces me the delayed gratification of my dream is greater.
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Every once in a while, I break and go around nature, I forget about everything and just give in
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to my current moments, there is no _A_ or _B_ or any other fucking letter anymore, I'm free!
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After returning to work, I feel much better for a while, a week or two, and then the cycle restarts.
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I don't know if that's called life anymore.
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-- 2016 11 09, 20:13:00, mahdi
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