theread.me/_posts/2017-02-04-dont-chase.md

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layout: post
title:  "Don't chase: Become the good one"
permalink: dont-chase-become-the-good-one/
categories: life
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author: Mahdi
---

When it comes to relationships, most (unsuccessful) people are _chasing_ the good ones.
They spend time trying to find their dream partner, the perfect match, but hey, do you qualify
as the dream partner of your dream partner? You fantasize about your dream partner, but have you ever
thought what kind of partner does he/she dream of?

![I want an angel with...](/img/angel.jpg)
{% include caption.html text='I want an angel with...' %}

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It seems to be pretty acceptable in the society to start _looking_ for a _good_ partner once you
reach a certain age (depending on the country), and that's when people start defining for themselves what
a _good_ partner means. What do they want out of a relationship? Well, most beginners just want sex, that's one thing,
but I'm talking about real, intimate relationships. The definition usually goes like this:

I want him/her to have
* Money
* Body
* Sense of Humor
* Empathy
* ...

Alright fine, that's a good and necessary step while thinking about a relationship.

Now there are two groups of people after this step, let's call them Group A and Group B.

Group A's next step is to start looking for partners, which usually follows by installing Tinder, OkCupid and a bunch of other
dating apps, spending more time in the bar, etc. Well it makes sense to start looking for a partner at first glance, but people in Group A
are missing an important point here, they defined what a _good partner_ means in their dictionary of life, but they haven't
really looked into their _good partner_'s dictionary to see what he/she wants out of a relationship, because if you don't qualify her requirements,
it's not a deal. 

Now there is a sub-group of Group A, too, and it includes the people who faced with the question "am I what she dreams of?", they 
try to cheat and modify their definition of a good partner, adding a line that goes "Loves me however I am", sorry buddy, but what if I
tell you she could add the same line to her dictionary? That's not a deal, you want a good partner as you defined it, you have to be a good partner
as she defines it.

On the other hand, Group B doesn't follow the same path as Group A. Group B starts by trying to predict what his dream partner would want
out of a relationship. Empathy? Loyalty? Knowledge? Body? They take a pen and a paper out and write a list of what they think their dream partner
would want them to have, what would she want them to be, and they start working on those, and I bet it's not going to be easy, knowledge doesn't pop up
after a good night's sleep, you have to spend years reading books and learning to get it. A good body doesn't _poof_ out if you wish it to, you have
to spend years being committed to exercise and eating well, and that's not easy. After all, what you define as a good partner ain't easy either, is it?

Now do you want your dream partner to fall for you the way you fall for her, without having to chase her with a net? Write down a list of 
qualifications you expect your dream partner to look for, and start working your ass off reaching them, and I tell you, you will have a much easier _next step_ after this. You won't have to chase girls hoping the 34th one doesn't reject you because "she likes you however you are".

If I know one thing about life, it's the fact that you have to work your ass off in order to reach your dreams, dreams aren't easy, and a deep, intimate relationship really is a dream.